Birthday
by sleepy
Summary: [AU] All started when Daisuke visited Satoshi on his birthday. Now he find out that the hate of his birthday is rooted in the horrible past of the blue haired boy. And that he still has to struggle with it...
1. Chapter 1

Birthday  
  
What would be,if Daisuke and Satoshi were two "normal" boys in a "normal life" without their alter egos?  
  
Read and find it out! This story will contain some chapters and there will be some (^-^) shounen ai in the next ones. I'm sorry if there are some grammar faults, but I've written this fic very very late... (or very very early?) ^^; so, GOMEN!!! Ehrm... I will publish the first two chapters now... I hope you will like it! ^^  
  
Disclaimer: D.N. Angel is not mine... sniff (I want Satoshi!!! Arrrghhh!!!) ^^;;;  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
An empty cold bedroom....  
  
The feeling of lonlyness...  
  
Sadness...  
  
Satoshi woke up by the piercing ring of his alarm clock. Sleepy as he was, he fumbled to this damned thing to get it reticent.  
  
Slowly his mind became clear. What day was today?  
  
Saturday.  
  
He forced himself to get up, because ther was school today... this damned school...  
  
At the next moment, as he recognized what day was today, he was glad that there was something stupid like school.  
  
An icy feeling came up inside him and sadness and pain winced his soul.  
  
Bitter memories....  
  
Today was his birthday... his damned birthday. He hated this day like nothing else. Suddenly he sat up - and he wished he hadn't done it. There was it again, his low blod preassure. For a moment he could only see darkness because of this attack of dizziness. Still, he forced himself to get up.  
  
"If I stayed in bed, I would only think about this damned day" he thought. "This day that my life had changed completely..."  
  
As he looked out of his window, he saw the peaceful snowflakes fallig down. Was it only his imagination or was this icy, dry coldness from outside transfused to his heart?  
  
"My God, don't get sentimental, Satoshi" he said out loud. But he couldn't shake of this odd feeling of sadness and lonlynessthat conquered his soul.  
  
Slowly he startet is morning routine. The blue haired boy shuffled along the floor to the bathroom. For a moment he stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection. "Happy birthday, Satoshi" he said ironically, but in his voice was also sadness... He tried to ignore this feeling, but he knew thatthis day would be frustrating and that he would ponder on his previous life the whole time.  
  
He sighed and began to clean his teeth, pushed his face into icy water to get his mind clear again and took on his school uniform.  
  
He looked at the clock and was alarmed how late it was. He had to hurry up to be at school at the right time! This dammned day!  
  
He put on his gasses,slipped on his coat hurried. Took his schoolbag and left his appartment.  
  
While he went outside and stepped into the soft snow, he knew that it was not an imagination. Here it was as cold as it was in his heart... And as abandoned...  
  
Satoshi entered the classroom and was going straight to his desk, ignoring his cheerful and laughing classmates. It seemed that nobody noticed him, but this was allright. He hadn't any friends. The reason was that distanced himself from others. Maybe a protection. For that he would not be hut again like in the past.  
  
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't recognized that two aber eyes watched him carfully. This boy with this warm aber eyes was Daisuke Niwa, a little bit dopey and nervous 14 years old. He was astonishet at Hiwataris behaviour, which was more odd than other days.  
  
After the lessons he wlaked towards Saehara, a little bit scared that he has to do his duties again.  
  
"Ehrm... Saehara-kun?" the redhead asked.  
  
The raven haired boy turned around. "Whassup, Niwa?"  
  
"Uhm...Do you know what's wrong with Hiwatari-kun today? He looked so sad and absent." tubled it out of Daisuke.  
  
"Dunno.." Saehara shrugged "Maybe he has a bad day. But he had neversaid much since he's in our class. A little bit cool and arrogand if you ask me... Don't think too much about it Niwa-kun."  
  
Saehara took is books into his bag.  
  
"OH... YEAHH!!!" he screamed out to Daisuke and the crimson haired boy startled.  
  
"Eh....?"  
  
"Maybe it's that's why... It's his birthday today. One don't get younger, ne?" Saehara grinned.  
  
"He has birthday?" Daisuke asked dismayed at this news. "So why have no one gratulated him?"  
  
Saehara groanded. "Because he hasn't told it anyone, you dope. And I only knew it because I'm writnig for the school paper... And so I know EVERYTHING!" He grinned at Daisuke and pushed him a little bit... This was Saeharas manner.  
  
Daisuke sighed and took his school bag. "Ok, Saehara-kun. Have a nice weekend. We'll see monday!"  
  
"Yo, Dausuke-kun...See ya!"  
  
"What an odd day. Seems that there is something wrong with Hiwatari-kun." Daisuke thought on his way home... He didn't knew the blue haired boy very well, but he could feel his sad charisma.  
  
When the redhead arrived home, he told his mother the story about Hiwatari. Her reaction was as extrem as every time.  
  
"WHAT?!" Emiko shrieked. "He has birthday and no one grtulated him? Increadible. In which times do we live?!" Then she frowned. "Listen, Dai- chan. You'll visit Hiwatari-san this evening, gratulate him and bring this cake to him I will bake now!"  
  
"Okasan! Do you nearly know what's going on outside? There's a heavy snowstorm. Remember?" But the ruby haired boy knew that he had lost. His mother got her own way every time. And her next words confirmed his suspicion.  
  
"No way, Dai-chan. You're going ther tonight! And don't talk to me like this again!"  
  
"Mou..."  
  
Daisuke sighed when he heard his mother working in the kitchen - preparing one of her famous cakes. "So what? I will do it..." he murmured and shrugged. But deep inside he knew, that he won't visit Hiwatari only that his mother getts her own way. He was reaaly concerned about the blue haired boy. He seemed to be really sad. And Daisuke wanted to find out what's wrong with him and, of course, to help him.  
  
In the late afternoon Daisuke got on his way to Hiwatari - after his mother wrapped him up into a thick coat and a scarf orround his throat. Now, the redhead thought to knowhow it will feel to be sushi. He made a face and left the house with a good smelling chocolate cake in his hands. He walked along the sidewalk and could hear his mother call for him that he should take care of himself. Then, the snowstorm made it impossible for him to understand some more words. He concentrated himself to get on the right way in this storm and looked down to the note with Hiwatari's adress in is hands. He had it drom Saehara and wondered how he should decipher his scrawlings. He sighed again, maybe the 100th time this day, and somehow he made it possible to find Hiwatari's appartment. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Satoshi sat on the ground of his apparment which looked like he dadleft it in the morning and stared up to the ceiling. His school bag and his coat layed on the ground where he dropped them down while he came back home. He was so lost in his sad thoughts that he didn't recognized the howling wind of the snowstorm outside, which became bigger and bigger, and that it was getting dark outside. Just the piercing ring of the door bell startled him from his thoughts.  
  
"Damned! How long have I sat here?!" he thought angrily. And then...  
  
"Who could that be?!"  
  
He sood up, went to the door, pressed the button of the intercom and asked more glaringthan he wanted: "Who's there?"  
  
"H-Hai... H-Here is Niwa... from your class..." the voice on the other end stuttered nervously.  
  
"Niwa-kun?" Satoshi asked suprised. Then he recognized that it must be very cold and stormy outside and told the other boy to come in. "4th floor, apartment 412. Take the elevator." Were his short instuctions.  
  
"H-Hai... I come in now." answered Daisuke unsure.  
  
Satoshi pressed the button of the door opener. Well, Niwa-kun. This red haired boy who gave him everytime one ofhis encouraging brilliant smiles. His heart made a leap. It was impossible that the smaller boy knew what day was today. Again, his thoughts were interrupted by Daisuke. This time, he was knocking on his door. Satoshi opened and eyes thethe ruby haired one with a neutral, cold gaze which he put on everytime he wanted to hide his feelings. He recognized that Daisuke smelled of snow from outside and his cheeks where blushed from the storm and icy coldnes. On his red hair and cheeks still melted big and fluffy snowflakes - witnesses that the storm still raged and will get more worse. All these things mad Satoshi'S heart beat faster and he couldn't do anything against it. That fact confused him.  
  
This piercing and researching gaze of this blue melancholic eyes inreased Daisukes nervousity emmeasurable. "Hi-Hiwatari-kun... Ehrm.... Uhm... Mou..." For a moment it was impossible for him to find some words to say. "H-Happy birthday, Hiwatari-kun" he stuttered. "You are alone today?" He recognized that his face got hot and burned.  
  
Caused this the cold air from outside?  
  
To Hiwataris blank gaze he reacted with a nod towars his dark apartment behind him.  
  
"Hai" he rereplied appearent expressionless and calm but his eyes said all what he felt. "Come in. Or do you want to take root in front of the door?"  
  
"Ehrm...O-Okay..." Daisuke ageed really nervous... and a really nervous smile was places on his lips. While the redhead entered Satoshi turned on the lights.  
  
"Hi-Hiwatari-kun?" Daisuke asked his quiet and absent partner in converation.  
  
"Hm?" Satoshi turned arround slowly and met with his melancholic and sad gaze the warm amber eyes of his person opposite.  
  
"Th-This is from my mother... A small pesent for you... H-Happy birthday, Hiwatari-kun." he shuttered and pointed out the gardboard box whith the chocolate cake, which was soaked because of the melted snow. As Daisuke recognized that he turned into a deep crimsonhe bowed his head hasty.  
  
Satoshi watched silent Daisukes reaction acceptd the present. "Arrigatou, Niwa-kun." The corners of his mouth jerked and moved into a hint of a smile. Somehow, he was charming, this boy with the red tousled hair.  
  
Note: Here I am again! ^^ And? Do you like it? Please REVIEW!!!!! If there is no review, I am not sure if I coplete this story. Or Don't you want whats going on with Dai-chan and Satoshi? And why Satoshi hates his birthday? *blinkblink* NYAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I KNOW IT!!! ^^ Ok, ok, you only have to be a little little bit nice and review and you'll know what's going on in the next chapters. ^-^ 


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: Yatta! Yatta! I really managed to finish chapter 3!!!! Can't believe it!!! Hope that anyone will read it, because I let wait you guys such a long time. I'm so sorry for updating my story so late!!!! I had a big and baaaaaaaad "conflict" with my new computer, if you know what I mean. ^^;;; Nothing worked right an I was starting to loose my mind because of that. So I hope you'll forgive me. 

You don't believe it, but I was inspired by the Soundtrack of the X TV serial to describe and associate Sato-chans sadness and fragility, and of course the starting of a gentle relationship between Sato-chan and Dai-chan. ^^ So if someone, who proudly owns that damned good soundtrack, wanna know which song inspired me... Nyahahaha *nervous laughter* I don't speak or could read any word Japanese. So I'm not able to read the back of the cover. But I try to describe: It was the first song on soundtrack CD 2. This song is so great and full of sadness and clearness, ya know? So I don't want to torture any longer with my silly notes. So ... READ IT! READ IT!!! =^-^=

Please review this chappy and, of course, enjoy reading! Hope you'll like it!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Special thanks to **Fumi Ayakoganei** (Yeah!!! Really you!!! ^-^) for her mental support when I was nearly down with my nerves (Because I didn't knew how to futher go on with this chappy when I stuck in the middle of it). She really managed to cheer me up every time!!! So **SANKYUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! =^-^=**

****

Chapter 3

For a short moment Satoshis gloom disappeared and he felt a little bit nervous. When Daisuke managed to look up to him, he hid again behind his mask of neutrality and coolness so that the other boy was't able to see his true feelings. It was like a reflex. He wasn't able to do anything against it. This action was rooted into him for such a long time that he couldn't give it up so easiely. Fear caused this reaction. He was afraid... afraid of pain and betrayal if he trust again somebody.

He banned this thoughts out of his mind and spent his attantion to the redhead. He wondered how he should act now because this was such an unfamiliar situation for him. The most time he avoided contact to other people He didn't like company very much. But somehow he felt that it was different with Daisuke. He was the only one who spent some attention to _him_. So it wasn't right to act rude. And a voice in his mind whispered that he should learn to trust again, even if it won't be easy. But it would be allright if he do so. Maybe this was his chance now, maybe his only one.

The blue haired boy took a deep breath and eyed Daisuke who fumbled clumsy on the buttons of his coat. Till then he hadn't noticed that the red haired boy trembled. It seemed that the cold still worked on him. When he watched the boy how he fought against the cold in his body and the embarassement, there grew a feeling inside him which he had never known before. Now, it was on time to say something; he couldnt be silent any longer.

"Are you cold?"

__

"My god!" he thought. _"What a silly question! He seemed to be concerned about you and struggled through the storm and all you ask is if he's cold?!" _Satoshi sighed inwardly.He wasn't good in conversation at all.

Daisuke tried to smile. "O-Only a l-little b-bit. It's not so bad." But his answer was the opposite of his actions. Now he trembled more than before. As if this underlined his lie.

"Don't lie to me, okay?" Satoshi responded a little bit softer and a smile flit over his face. "I think you could get along well with some hot tea, isn't it?"

"H-Hai..." While Daisuke answered a little bit more embarassed and looked after Satoshi a bit suprised, the blue haired boy went to the kitchen. He had never seen him smiling before. Somehow he felt that this was something special. So he was't so distanced and cold as everyone thought. While he was walking over the room and sat down near the heating he wondered how he should start a conversation to this calm boy. The redhead didn't knew him very well, though Satoshi was allready for one year in his class. He coulnd't finish his thoughts because Daisukes attention was directed to reality again as he heard steps coming along the room. He looked up to Satoshi and noticed that his features were softer than before. Then Satoshi hold out a cup to him.

"Here... your tea..." he said.

"Oh... thank you." Daisuke smiled to the other boy and his cheeks blushed a little bit.

Satoshi placed his cup and the cake from Daisukes mother on the floor and sat down next to the crimson haired boy. He looked towards him and answered some unexpected words.

"No... I have to thank you..."

"Eh? For what?" Daisuke didn't know what the taller boy was talking about.

"For visiting me..." Satoshi replied calm and avoided the gaze of Daisuke.

"O-Oh... thats allright." Now a cofused smile was placed on the redheads lips. A little bit later he got serious again. "Ehrm... Hiwatari kun? Could...Could I ask you something?"

"Of course." He nodded and looked down to the smaller boy.

"Uhm... Is.. is everything okay with you? I-I mean... You looked so sad today. I'm really concerned."

"Oh... I'm allright. Don't worry." Satoshi smiled sadly.

"So.... If everything is allright, why are your eyes so sad? They can't lie." For a few moments he was silent. Then, more serious than before: "I only could talk about myself, Hiwatari-kun. But if I were alone on my birthday, I wouldn't be allright. So... where is your family?"

His dicet and honest reaction overwhelmed Satoshi. He had never thought that somebody would care so much about him. Could it really be that somebody was concerned about him? Or was it all a dream? But no, it couldn't be a dream. The memories he had tortured him too much. Sorrow flood back in his mind like icy water as he remembered what happend in the past. But now it was on time... on time to finish it.

Daisuke was afraid of the reaction of the azour-eyed teen. It was so unpleasant that he was so direct. But his words came out so quickly that he hadn't any time to think about it. He looked unsure towards Satoshi and a slight blush placed on his cheeks. But when his eyes met Satoshis deep blue ones, he only saw sorrow, pain and sadness. 

__

What caused so much sadness to you, Hiwatari Satoshi-kun?, he wondered. He wanted to apologize for his outburst but Satoshi answered him first.

"I don't have a family... not any more..." Satoshis voice was nearly soundless. He turned his head away from Daisuke to hide upcoming tears in his eyes.

The redhead saw how this words from his own mouth hurt the other teen. He never thought that Satoshi was so sensitive.Was he mistaken or saw he tears in the eyes of his older classmate as he turned his head away?

"S-Sorry... I-I didn't knew...I-I mean... I didn't want to get so personal... I didn't want to hurt you...gomen..." the aber eyed teen stuttered. He felt so lousy because he couldn't say any word that would work in this situation.

"Don't worry... It's allright... You couldn't knew that..." This words Satoshi said with a choked voice and he struggled against loosing his self control. He tuned arround to Daisuke and the crimson haired teen saw tears gleaming in his melancolic eyes. In this moment Daisuke had the impression that Satoshi seemed to be fragile like glass. And he knew that he had to do something to help the other boy.

"Could I help you... I mean... Do you want to talk about it?"

He knew that he mustn't leave Satoshi alone with his thoughts and painful memories. 

Not today.

Never again.

Daisuke put down his cup and dedicated his whole attention to Satoshi.

The boy with the azour blue eyes thought that it seemed to be odd that somebody cared for him so much. But for another odd reason he accepted the offered help of Daisuke. He looked at the honest and soft ruby eyes of the boy next to him. He was there when he needed someone... When he didn't wanted to be alone any longer. It seemed that the crimson haired teen knew his deepest wishes. He felt that this was _right_. And so he started to open his heart a little bit to Daisuke. It was only like a streamlet of water which trickled through a gab in a thick wall. But maybe this streamlet would cause the collapse of the wall.

"I don't talk about it very much. I never talk too much about everything. But I think... somehow... I should trust again somebody." He hesitated a little bit and looked down in the warmest eyes he had ever seen. And a little bit calmer he said: "And I think this one are you, Niwa Daisuke-kun. Nobody was so sincere to me and cared about what I feel like you. Even that I don't really know what I feel." A gentle and hesitating smile was placed on his lips now, but his eyes stayed as sad as before.

"O-Oh... arrigato... I couldn't bear it to see somebody suffering like you do"

__

Especially you.

"I really want to help you." Daisuke answered a little bit emarassed. He smiled gentle to the other boy and was glad, no, relieved that Satoshi trust him so much. He knew, it wasn't easy for the other boy to talk about it and to support him in his further actions he took Satoshis hand and pressed it softly.

The blue haired boy jerked because of this unexpected contact. It had been a very long time since somebody touched him. And with this he didn't associate something good. Memories stabbed through his mind like glaring flashes while his glance mared.

__

Screams....

Punches...

Pain...

So much pain....

A sudden nausea overwhelmed him and he began to tremble. The he lost himself in a deep black hole... And it seemed that it had no end. Darkness surrounded him and took his breath. Darkness and pain... the painful feelings of the past... He felt so helpless... He was unable to struggle against this icy darkness.

Ruby eyes noticed that Satoshis eyes where widened in horror – that they saw something terrible that only he could see. The redhead still held the other boy's hand. He felt the trebling of the blue haired teens body and that Satoshis hand pressed firm his own one. It was if he searched desperate for a support; that he didn't loose reality completely. Daisuke felt so helpless in this situation which seemed to be caused by himself. He wanted to help but he didn't know how he should do that. He got on his knees in front of Satoshi, grabbed his shoulders and shook him. Hoping that this was a chance to bring the other teen back. He was only able to cry despaired a few words.

"Satoshi- kun! Can you hear me?! Come back! Please... Come back!" Daisuke yelled out this words in horror and his words got down in heavy sobs as he realized that they didn't seem to work.

The teen with the deep blue eyes was pulled into complete darkness of his memorries now. Nothing came up to him. Not even Daisukes screams. "No... I don't want it..don't want to remember..." he thought weak. "Not again." But he knew that he had to fight. Images flashed through his mind. Blood red strands of hair... innocent but also strong amber eyes... an adorable shy smile... 

Then a feeling... Someone pressed his hand... He held it. A despaired try to get out of this hell. Then a feeling that somebody grabbed his shoulders and shook him. A voice broke this terrible and painful emptieness inside him... Niwa Daisuke...

A strong and warm feeling that grewing inside him like a fragile plant made him to startle and his glance cleared up. The first he saw where Niwas warm ruby eyes very close to him...Concerned... Horriefied... Then suddenly relieved as he saw Satoshi come back to reality.

"Thank god! You are back! You are back..."

The smaller teen couldn't say more than that few words. The feelings he had in this moment overwhelmed him completely. Tears of relief streamed over his face. And before he realized what he did he embraced Satoshi.

The blue haired boy felt arms surrounding his neck, a warm body pressed against his own one. But this time he dind't fell back in icy darkness. Now he was overwhelmed by this strong and warm feeling more than before. The first time he felt how pleasant it was that somebody cared about him so much... that somebody said that he was concerned about him. 

He felt nearness... safety... 

__

Love?

The fact that the other boy was so close to him and that he was the one who really cared about him made his heart beat faster. Soft strands of ruby red hair tickled his cheeks and he had to smile a little bit. Slowly his arms surrounded Niwas slim hips and answered the sudden embrace of the smaller boy.

"Sorry that I scared you so much..." he whispered. Satoshis breath tickled in Daisukes ear and this caused an amazig feeling inside him. Like if there was a huge swarm of butterflies inside him.

"I have never talked about it..." continued Satoshi. "It had never confrontated me so much for a very long time. It hurts. But I want to stop it... to let it never happen again. I want to tell you the whole story... So would you listen to me? Would you help me?" It seemed for him that he haven't said so much significant words to another person for a very long time.

"Yes, of course... I really want to help you. You know that." One of his soft and adorable smiles placed on Daisukes lips and a light crimson crept on his cheeks, He smiled because Satoshi trust him so much. "But I don't want to pester you to tell it to me. So if it hurts too much, tell it to me, okay?"

"You don't pester me... So don't worry about it." The other boy answered relieved.

They left their close embrace and Satoshi started to tell Daisuke slowly and painful about his childhood and his previous youth.

The snowstorm which raged outside in full force they both had forgotten.

~ End of Chapter 3 ~


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:  All characters of D.N. Angel belong to Sugisaki-sensei! They're not mine. *big sigh* 

Warnings: ANGST, ANGST, ANGST! Maybe too much… *sweatdrops* And slight shounen ai. Think that there could me never enough, ne? ^-^  

Explanations:  The _italic_ passages are flashbacks. Hope it won't confuse you too much… ^_^;;;;              Special thanks to Fumi Ayakoganei fo being my sub editor! Sankyuuuuuu Fumi-chan!!! =^-^= Chapter 4 

****

For a moment the howling storm was the only thing to hear. Satoshi stood up and walked to the window. With his hands in his trouser pockets he watched the snowflakes dancing hectically in the wind only to become one with their sisters and brothers on the ground. The way lay there empty and silent in the pale streetlight. It seemed that there was still something peaceful in this stormy night. 

Suddenly he turned around to Daisuke. The blue haired boy opened his mouth to say something. A desperate attempt. He didn't know how to start. But when he looked in this ruby and warm eyes of his classmate Satoshi wanted to tell him everything, to get rid of all  he had on his mind for such a long time. He wished nothing more as that the scars in his mind, which still hurt so much, will be cured. So he just started to tell Daisuke everything. 

"Do you know the Hikari family?"

"Oh, yes. You mean that rich family of art dealers, e? Have heard of them." Daisuke answered casual and wasn't really sure what Satoshi wanted to intend  with this.

"Well…You're wondering what this has to do with me, aren't you? So… My… my real name is Hikari, not Hiwatari" he explained calm.

Daisuke was only able to look at Satoshi with big and widened ruby eyes full of disbelief. 

"O-Oh… Hikari?! You are… you mean you are a Hikari?" were the only words he could bring out. He wasn't sure if he still said sentences.

"Yes, that's true." There was a hard tone in the voice of  Satoshi now and  Daisuke had the impression that his blue eyes got colder than ice. That fact made him shivering a little bit.

"Well… I belong to this… _family_."  The tone in his voice had changed to contempt and pain now.

"But… I think I don't really understand…" the redhead throw in confused.

"Gomen, Niwa-kun. It's so hard to bring all into words. It must be confusing for you. But… where should I start?" Satoshi looked to Daisuke, into his adorable eyes. Which colour had they? It was a red he'd never seen before. It shimmered in different shades.

A soft smile crept over Daisukes face. "The beginning of all wouldn't be the worst, ne?"

"Hai…  I'll try it." Satoshi left his place on the window and returned to Daisuke. The blue haired boy crouched next to his classmate, took his cup with the tea which was only lukewarm now and sipped at it.  So he tried to obtain some time to order the chaos in  his mind a little bit. Satoshi looked at Daisuke who sat to his left now. He smiled. And it was an encouraging  one.  How was it possible that one single smile could spend so much power and warmth to him? Satoshi took a deep breath and continued.

"It seemed that my birth already had predetermined everything. My mother suffered a lot during it. It seems that this was one reason why she hated me so much, one of many reasons…" Satoshi faltered. Too many impressions of his past flood back again, punched him like fists in his face. Daisuke recognized this reaction. It was like an instinct that he could feel when his friend felt bad. 

" Is everything okay?" he asked concerned. Then a sigh. "No… of course not."

"It's  only …"  Satoshis hands closed so firm around his cup that the knuckles of his fingers turned white. "It's only because….  It seems to me that it was just yesterday."

"Hey… take so much time you need. I won't rush you."  Daisuke responded softly. "I'm just here with you." Now a soft blush crept over Daisukes adorable face. But this words came from the deepest depths of his heart. And somehow Satoshi felt covered by the warmth of this word like with a soft blanket.

"Arrigato … Daisuke-kun." This word... For the majority  of people it was natural. But for him…  He was only get used to apologize.

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

-Flashback-

"Gomen nasai, okasan!" A five years old Satoshi stood in front of the fragments of the expensive Chinese vase on the floor which just broke. He kneeled down on the floor and tried despaired to pick up the sharp pieces. That he cut his hands he dind't recognized.

His mother stood like a menacing shadow over him and stared with a gaze full of hate down to him. "You good-for-nothing child! What have you done this time?! I spent a property on this vase!" 

Satoshi startled under the voice trembling of anger and hate. The next thing he felt was a burning pain on his cheeks. Blue eyes filled with tears were looking up to his mother.

"But…mummy… I haven't done this…" Satoshi sobbed.

"Beat it!" hissed his mother more hateful than ever. " Get out of my view!" She turned around on her heel and trundged angry through the big hall.

Satoshi sobbed again and wiped with his sleeve  the tears from his face.  There, where his mother hurt him, his face still burned like fire.

As he looked up **he** was leaning on one of the columns of the hall. Long blonde hair was falling over his shoulders and a cruel smile lay on his lips. Satoshi was afraid of him.

Slowly the figure moved to where Satoshi kneeled and settled down in front of the slim figure of Satoshi. The blonde buried Satoshis face in his immaculate  hands and stroke over it. Golden eyes, hard as steel, looked into big sea blue ones. Then he said something that Satoshi froze the blood in his veins.  

"She will never love you, Satoshi-sama. No matter how hard you try." The sadistic smile on his face  broad as he saw Satoshis shocked and painful expression. After that he stood up and disappered in the darkness.

-Flashback

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

"Your mother hated you that you broke her vase?!" 

Satoshi looked through blue strands into blank ruby eyes.

"How-" Daisuke started again.

"She knew that this wasn't me." Satoshi interrupted the furious redhead with a calm voice. "She knew it. And she knew who was it." While saying this his voice got more and more silent.

Daisuke lay his hand on Satoshis arm, but said nothing.  With a look full of sorrow he watched his friend.  A supposition  crept up into him.

"Your brother?" Daisuke asked timid.

The blue haired boy nodded. "After my mother he was the person which hated me most. They all hated me. I could do what I want, they hated me only more. I tried to get some recognition from my family by learning like mad. But this was wrong, I know now. How could I dare to be better than their favourite son… He, who had the best private teachers failed . And that against his younger brother who only visited a third class middle school. From that on everything worsen. My brother teased me more than before and I thought I couldn't bear his harassments any longer. It was like hell. I had never thought that it could be more worse than before." Satoshi  run a hand through his blue hair. His face was distorted  painfully.

"Satoshi-kun…" Daisuke wasn't able to do anything.  He had no ideas how to show him his sympathy. He could only listen to Satoshis words and try to share his pain. Let him feel his nearness and hoping that this was enough for Satoshi.

"Since this time I distanced myself from others and let nobody into my heart. I thought so I could avoid further suffering . But my mother and my brother managed it to cause pain to me again and again. Not only physical ones…"

Satoshi nearly collapsed. He felt weak, but he forced himself to continue. It was still painful, but with every word he told Daisuke he felt better. It was as if a heavy  weight fell off. It was enough for him that Daisuke listened to him. He seemed to understand him, that he was able to put in his place.

"But… what's with your birthday?" the concerned voice of his younger classmate interrupted his thoughts.

"The day before they ignored me more than ever. My mother treated me with a coldness and she let me feel what she was thinking of me. I got used to their maltreatment and somehow everything was indifferent to me. I didn't care if they hurt or insult me. Slowly I blamed myself for everything and believed what my mother said to me the whole time. The day before my 12th birthday the situation escalated. All the hateful feelings to me which where stacked up into my mother exploded this time.  I don't know what was the release for that, but I think that it had something to do with my brother. This evening she hit me so long  till I thought my head will burst of pain.

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

-Flashback-

Pain jerked through his body. It seemed that he only consisted of pain now. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth and caused a nausea to Satoshi. Then his mother screamed and raged in anger and hatred. But every pain he bear  till now was nothing to what the words of his mother caused.

"You bastard! You are the biggest mistake I have ever made! I detest you!"

Tears shot into Satoshis eyes, She never said that out loud, but now it became cruel certainty. The blue haired boy shivered on his whole body. Now he definitely knew that he wasn't more for her than waste. This realization filled his heart with an icy emptiness.

-Flashback-

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

Daisuke looked at Satoshi horrified and with a husky tone in his voice he said: "How could a mother do such things to her own child?!" 

"You wouldn't understand me now, but I believed what she said." Satoshi said continued. 

"What?! But-" And again the confused redhead was interrupted by Satoshi.

"I was awake the whole night and thought about everything. And I came to the conclusion that I was nothing worth to myself. All efforts were for nothing. I thought what would be if I weren't there anymore." 

Daisukes eyes widened in horror. " You…You haven't…?"

"Not this night." The blue haired boys voice was not more than a whisper now. "But the next day, my birthday, a wave of depression flood me. The whole impressions of the last evening flood back in my mind. It was so horrible that I couldn't bear it any longer…"

Satoshi showed the redhead his pale wrists with long scars on them.

"Satoshi-kun…" A tear run silent over his cheek.

Satoshi couldn't believe what he saw there. Daisuke cried for him? Nobody did this before. He looked at him and wiped away the tear from Daisukes cheek.  This salty liquid was warm. As everything of the redhead.

"Gomen ne, Daisuke-kun. But I have to tell you this. Is this okay for you?"

A nod.

"I could remember every tiny detail of this day, as if it was yesterday."

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

_-Flashback-_

It was just lunch time and so the school was abandoned. Only the laughing and screaming of the students forced their way through the windows to the classrooms. Satoshi didn't want their company. Therefore he hide inside the rest room. Crouching on the bare floor he looked around. Suddenly something dazzled him. In front of me on the floor lay a piece of broken glass. Destiny? He didn't knew. Again this thought: What would be if I'm not here anymore. Nobody would miss  me or cry for me. Before he knew what he did he held the fragment in his hand. It would be so easy, he thought. 

He pressed the sharp glass deep in his wrist. The pain seemed to be the welcome salvation. 

_Warm red blood poured from the wound._

_Warm?_

_He felt cold as ice._

_A  red trickle worked it's way over Satoshis wrist. Fascinated he stared at his hand  how the blood, his blood, dripped on the floor._

_The blue haired boy took the piece of glass in the other hand . More and more streamlets were covering it now._

_He set the fragment on the other wrist again  where the artery was situated. Again, he  pressed it deep in the flesh and a burning pain filled him._

_Slowly he felt dazed and a warm darkness surrounded him. The last he heart before he faint was the glass falling on the ground and the Gong of the beginning lesson._

_Then he  was pulled down into deep darkness._

_-Flashback-_

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*****

Satoshi stroke with his hands over his eyes which shimmered suspicious of tears. The exhaustion which demanded his detailed telling was written in his face. Satoshi avoided the look of the other boy. What would he think of him now? He surely regarded him as a coward.

Still avoiding the sympathetic look of Daisuke he asked: "And? What are you thinking of me now? I'm a coward, as a weak and egoistic person. Say it if you despise me. I wouldn't take amiss at it if you want to go now." His face was buried deep in his hands now.

"Why are you saying  such things? Do you really believe that I would leave you alone in such an situation, Satoshi-kun? I don't know what I had done if I were in your situation." Replied the redhead, searching for Satoshis look.

"Look at me, Satoshi-kun." Daisuke took the other boys hands away from his face. Blue eyes were glancing at him. He was still holding his hands and touched softly the scars on Satoshis wrists. The redhead continued serious. "If I regarded you as this what you said would I still sit here next to you? Hm?" A gentle smile crept on his lips now.

"Why are you doing this for me?" Satoshi whispered hesitating. 

"Because first you are my friend and secondly I think you are a very charming person. Somehow I knew this from the beginning. Crazy, isn't it?" A light blush conquered his cheeks and he scratched embarrassed on his head. "Well… If you want to continue I'll listen to you."

The blue haired boy looked surprised at his red haired classmate. How could he still like him after all he had told him? More than that, he said that he was his _friend_. This what Daisuke said to him touched him deep in his heart. He couldn't explain it, but he hat the feeling that something connected him and little bit dopey but still adorable redhead. That there was something special. He had ever wished that there would be such a person  somewhere, someone who will understand him. And now this someone sat next to him.

"I was alone when I woke up in the hospital." Satoshi continued. "The doctors told me that I had to join a therapy when I got well again. And that I  would live in a hostel for  hard  teachable youths.  My mother said to them that she didn't got along well with me." Satoshi laughed bitter. "From that on I haven't heard anything from her and my brother. They had disown me. I really died for them. Later I heard by chance that they moved to Hong Kong."

"They didn't want to know how you are?!" Daisuke asked in disbelief.

"No. They broke up every contact. Maybe this was the best that could happen to me." The other boy replied. Anyhow, I made the therapy. I finished it circa one year ago. The institute I were got an apartment  for me and I changed my name. A new life so to speak. Anyway, I never managed it to let people get close to me. I never wanted to bear such things like in my past. That's why I acted so cold and distanced. So I wanted to protect myself. One year ago I joined this class in Azumano middle school number 2. The rest you know…"  Satoshi looked towards Daisuke who nodded slightly. Both where completely exhausted from this evening.

"Gomen ne, Satoshi-kun. I'm sorry that you had remember of this on your birthday. I wasn't a big help for you." The redhead sighed.

"No. That's not true. I'm glad that you listened to me. It was time to entrust this to somebody. And I'm also glad that this was you." Satoshi calmed the other boy.

"Really?" An adorable smile of relief conquered Daisukes face and his ruby eyes shone. 

Then they both sat next to each other  in silence, slurping in their cold tea. It was one of this precious moments where two people knew that they were sharing a special thing, were in a special atmosphere. After a while Daisuke glanced at the clock on the bare white wall of his apartment. 23:30 p.m.! 

"Wai! Is it already so late?!" Daisukes eyes where opened widely.  How time flew by.

Satoshi glanced at the clock too.  He wished that this moment will never come before. But know it was there. "Maybe you should go home, Daisuke-kun. Your mother is surely concerned."   He really forced himself to say this.

"Mh… You're right…." What should he do now. He felt so helpless. And he felt that it wasn't a good idea to leave Satoshi. But what should he do? His mother will die of concern where her son will be so late.

Both got up and walked to the door. Daisuke put on his coat and his scarf . "So, then… We'll see on monday, Satoshi-kun?" he asked calm and felt very uneasy.

"Hai…" Satoshi watched Daisuke turning around to leave. Everything struggled inside him against the fact that the redhead will leave now. Then however he noticed that Daisuke hesitated and turned around to him again. Two big ruby eyes looked at him in question. Then he noticed that had grabbed Daisukes arm.

Daisuke looked deep into Satoshis blue eyes as he felt that his arm was grabbed by his older classmate. Satoshi mustn't say anything. Daisuke could read his thoughts from the expression in his eyes: _Don't go, please!_ They seemed to say. It was as if they could communicate without words with each other. As Daisuke saw the despaired look of Satoshi he knew what he had to do. A bright smile covered his adorable face now.

"Could I phone with my mother Satoshi-kun?"

~End of Chapter 4~

Notes: Waaaaiiii! This was a really long chappy *scrolls up and down* I really  struggled through it many nights. But I'm afraid that it's not good enough, that I wasn't able to bring the feelings of Satoshi  into the right words. The flashbacks were also a struggle, especially the last one. *sighs*

Well… I hope you liked it a little bit and were not confused about the flashbacks. Please let me know your thoughts and review! 


End file.
